Inconvenient

This isn't how things were supposed to be.
This is so not what I planned for...

It's not that -
How to put this...
There are things in my life that I want,
And things that I don't.

I don't want to lose control.
I don't want to let go of my emotions.
I don't want to notice how the length of your hair mysteriously compliments your beautiful eyes,
Or how your smile makes me melt,
And I don't want to love you!
......
I mean like you... a lot...
*ahem*

I don't want to feel like things make sense in my life right now
For the first time in so long.
I don't want to realize that I was miserably bored with my life
Before you came around;
That my moderate satisfaction didn't mean I was happy with my life.

Buy my stupid heart doesn't seem to get that!
Because when I see you looking at me,
I have these cheesy-to-the-extreme lines
Running through my mind
Like,
"When I think of you,
I have thousands of little butterflies
Flittering around in my stomach..."

When I'm watching the mushy romance movies,
I get it.

I don't have the emotional capacity
To be sitting at home,
Hoping and praying desperately that you feel the same way,
Even though I finally saw how you looked at me today.
That said so much
In so little time,
Without any words...

Do you have any idea how inconvenient that is?!
I'm so angry with you,
Yet so relieved you love me back
Which makes me even angrier,
And so then I proceed to ramble on, like I do about nothing
Until you shut me up by kissing me.

On the list of things I will never forgive you fore,
You will find that one act....

Wow.
My brain is just buzzing around constantly,
Thinking about you,
And my cheeks hurt from all this smiling I seem to be doing.
The funny thing is though,
I don't want it to stop...